Have you ever wanted to kill a billionaire?
If you’re following me here, the answer is probably “yes”. Those fuckers have been ruining our lives and our planet since before we were born—and they just keep taking, and taking, and taking some more.
I can’t kill the billionaires off in real life… but I can write you a story where you kill a (fictional) billionaire in an outrageous way.
The rules
The main rule is that I can’t use the name of a real billionaire or the names of any real companies. These scenes are meant to as acts of catharsis, not death threats.
With that said, you can specify a billionaire for me to base the billionaire character in your story on. I’ll create a fake name and physical description, then build them a backstory similar to the billionaire you’ve mentioned in your email.
The cost
Billionaire murders will follow the same pricing structure as my regular murder commissions:
- For $40, I choose how the billionaire dies
- For $60, you choose how the billionaire dies
Order a billionaire murder today!
What about regular murder commissions?
Regular murder commissions are still happening! I am more than happy to write a custom scene where you die in an outrageous way. Prices work the same as always:
- For $40, I’ll kill you with a method of MY choosing
- For $60, YOU get to choose how you die
Order a murder commission today! Or, if you’d like to order one for the goth in your life as a gift, send me an email to diannalgunn@gmail . com telling me who you’d like to commission a murder for and why you think they’d love it (this ensures that everyone who receives a murder is happy with it).
Online murder commission FAQ
How long are the murders?
Most murder commissions are in the 500-700 word range.
What do you need for a successful murder?
For a billionaire murder, I’ll need your name, pronouns, and the type of billionaire (tech CEO, oil exec, etc) you’d like to kill. You can also let me know if you want the death to be humorous or horrific and if there are any phobias or triggers you want me to avoid.
For a regular murder commission, I’ll need your name, pronouns, and whether you want a silly death or a scary one. You should also let me know if you have any phobias or triggers I should avoid.
You can add more detail if you want to! Things like your general appearance and fashion sense, hobbies, and whether you live in an apartment building or a house can all help me personalize your murder commission.
Can I order a murder as a gift?
Yes, you can order a murder as a gift for a loved one. However, I request that you email me at diannalgunn@gmail.com first with some information about the person you want to buy a murder for. I want to make sure everyone who gets a murder will love it!
You can also order a billionaire murder as a gift, but again, please email me to let me know who you’re buying a billionaire murder for and why you think they’d enjoy it.
How long does it take to receive a murder?
Most commissions are completed within 1-2 weeks.
Will my murder be included in an anthology?
That depends entirely on how many commissions I get! Folks who’ve commissioned me so far are very excited about the idea, and I’ve got ideas for two collections: Eat the Rich for billionaire murders, and of course, Killer Debt Two for regular murder commissions. Each collection will move into production if/when I get enough commissions of the appropriate type to fill a printable book.
Can I order a longer murder?
I’m happy to go up to 1,200 words for murder commissions on a case by case basis. However, this will cost more. Please reach out to me at diannalgunn@gmail.com if you want to commission a longer murder.
I’m far too busy this month to write any murder commissions longer than 1,200 words, but may be willing to/have time to write even longer murder stories in future months.
Like what you see? Order your custom death scene or billionaire murder scene today!