“Knowing only my name and pronouns, Dianna managed to murder me in way that’s surprisingly appropriate for me. Aren’t you curious to see how you would go?” ~ Frances Moritz
Have you ever wanted to die… in fiction?
If so, I’ve got good news: murder commissions are back! And this time, we have TWO types of murder commissions.
Regular murder commissions are custom death scenes of around 500 words where I kill YOU! Silly, scary, beautifully philosophical, I will give you whatever kind of death you desire.
Billionaire murder commissions are custom murder scenes where a billionaire is killed in a horrible manner. While I won’t use the literal names of existing billionaires for legal reasons, you can select a billionaire for me to base the character in your billionaire murder scene on, and I’ll create a fun name for them (like RJ Scowling). You can also choose to kill the billionaire yourself or have them murdered by a third party.
Here’s how it works:
- For $40, I’ll kill you (or the billionaire you’ve selected) with a method of MY choosing
- For $60, YOU get to choose how you (or the billionaire you’ve selected) die
Want to get a feel for what your murder might look like? You can read most of the murders I’ve already done in Killer Debt: An Anthology of Murder.
What people have to say about their murders
I started doing these in June and I’ve gotten some great testimonials! Here are some of my favourites:
“Thank you so much! I absolutely love it! It was a fun death and, if I had my choice, death by/in chocolate would be atop the ways I would want to go out! This was great: thank you ☺️!!!” ~ Chris
“I feel like you captured my essence perfectly. If I found myself locked in the horrid embrace of a powerful, fanged beast, I would very likely respond “well shit” before I died. This was a lot of fun to read. Thank you so much for the story!” ~ Travis
“I loved it! Very much made me think of when I had wisdom tooth removal under twilight. The aliens sound cool too! It also kind of reminded me of that episode of Futurama where Zoidberg gets vivisected. Seriously though I really enjoyed your style, like Goosebumps but even more fun.” ~ Anna Krasner
“Me falling down while being chased – then being ripped apart – is *exactly* how this would go down. BRAVO. Even though I knew I was going to die in the end, I was on the edge of my seat as I waited for the inevitable!” ~ Christiane Knight
“Hahahaha, it’s perfect. I like spiders! Well. I guess I don’t like this spider. Well, actually, no, I still like this spider. I probably deserved it!” ~ Megan Fox
“This was amazing. It was funny, it was horrific, and it was everything I could have asked for. I would very much encourage anyone to have you write their death scene.” ~ Jessica Olson
Online murder commission FAQ
What do you need for a successful murder?
For a regular murder commission, all I really need are your name, pronouns, and whether you want a silly death or a scary one. You should also let me know if you have any phobias or triggers I should avoid.
You can add more detail if you want to! Things like your general appearance and fashion sense, hobbies, and whether you live in an apartment building or a house can all help me personalize your death scene.
For billionaire murder commissions, I’ll need to know the billionaire you want me to base the character on and whether you want to kill them yourself or see them be killed by someone/something else.
Can I order a murder as a gift?
Yes, you can order a murder (either a regular murder or a billionaire murder) as a gift for a loved one. However, I request that you email me at diannalgunn@gmail.com first with some information about the person you want to buy a murder for. I want to make sure everyone who gets a murder will love it!
How long does it take to receive a murder?
Most commissions are completed within 1-2 weeks. This timeline may be increased if all of the commissions are ordered at once or life circumstances intervene, but I’ve never taken more than one month to complete a commission.
Will my murder be included in a collection?
That depends entirely on how many murders I get! Killer Debt Two is definitely on the horizon – I’ve got some new victims who are very excited about the prospect of seeing themselves die in a book – but I need to get enough commissions to fill another printable book.
As for billionaire murders, I am hoping to pull them into a collection called Eat The Rich. Again, this will only happen if I get enough commissions to fill a book – so be sure to share this page with other folks if you want to see your billionaire murder in print!
Can I order a longer murder?
I’m happy to go up to 1,000 words for murder commissions on a case by case basis. However, this will cost more. Please reach out to me at diannalgunn@gmail.com if you want to commission a longer murder.
I’m far too busy this month to write any murder commissions longer than 1,000 words, but may be willing to/have time to write even longer murder stories in future months.